Pay attention to how he talks about his exes
“All of my exes are crazy.” No, no, no. More like, “I repeat cycles of problematic, inflammatory behavior with people that I am incompatible with, and I haven’t learned from my behavior, so instead I just blame the other people.” If you meet a man who speaks well of his ex-wife, or former girlfriends, add a couple of points to his score.
Does he have children? Does he see them? Find out.
As a parent, it’s shocking to me that people will still date other people who are absentee parents. Besides the fact that it’s heart-wrenching to abandon a person that should be your entire world, don’t you also consider the fact that if you were to become pregnant, he would also just abandon you?
Pay attention to how he treats/views women and their sexuality
In our modern age and constantly evolving conversations around sex and female sexuality, it doesn’t take a self-proclaimed feminist to know that men and women are sexual beings, and that consent is the key to a sexually progressive society.
If you watch porn but insult porn stars, you need help. If you are in a strip club but denigrate the job, you also need help. If you want to have sex with women, but consider women to be “slutty” when they have sex with anyone who isn’t you, you have some serious hypocrisy that you need to work out with your therapist.
It’s interesting to watch Americans try to walk the tightrope of what’s considered acceptable, when really, the conversation should just end with, “Is this adult expressing their desires in a way that makes them happy?” End of story. A woman’s low-cut shirt doesn’t indicate her value, it just means that she likes the damn shirt, and her breasts too. Men and women who attempt to tear down the sexuality of other men and women are just avoiding looking in the mirror to discuss their own sexual insecurities. And that’s just not sexy.
If he only compliments you by insulting other women, beware
Examples of this are “you’re the hottest girl here,” “that other chick is fat,” and “you’re not like the other girls.” A compliment should be able to stand alone, and not be a measurement of your peers. When you love or like someone, they are beautiful in your eyes, regardless of who else is in the nearby lineup.
Telling bigoted “jokes” points to an actual bigot
Unless you also happen to be a xenophobic bigot, spare yourself the trouble of being subjected to this hateful mouth-diarrhea.
If he makes any mention at all about how big his penis is? No, just no.
Because I didn't ask.
NOTE: For the purpose of simplicity, this article was written with men living as heterosexual in mind. This does not include the women, and non-binary folks, and I never assume a person’s sexuality. However, as a female stripper, let’s assume for this article that the majority of the clients coming to see me dance are attracted to women.
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Elle Stanger is a mother, stripper, feminist, activist, and author who entertains the masses in Portland, OR. She holds two university degrees, neither of which she utilizes in a conventional fashion. She prefers organic food, dark beer, and self-actualized individuals. Don’t ask her about her tattoos; she’s run out of clever retorts. Find her online at EroticMusePDX.com.