I admit it: I would make a terrible waitress. First of all, I’m really clumsy, so balancing a tray without plates of food on it would be a challenge, but throw in four glasses of red wine, and I’m absolutely going to trip and dump them on whoever is wearing white suede. Second, as my ex-boyfriend who is a waiter recently said, I’d “suck” at it. I’m not sure if that’s because he thinks I’d have a hard time being nice to annoying people (I would) or because I wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure of a busy night (also true) or because he knows I enjoy my adult beverages starting promptly at 6pm every evening (uh, that’s a whole hour later than most people, so quit yer judging). Probably... all of the above.
All of that is to say, I really respect people who work in the service industry. They make my life, well... a life worth living. (Yes, I live my life to eat out because I’m a grown-up whose idea of cooking involves pouring cereal into a bowl.) A good server can totally make a meal so much better, and I really appreciate that. And not just in my heart, but with a generous tip.
Maybe it’s because I love eating out so much and because good service is so appreciated that I always end up dating waiters. What? I find the men who bring me my cocktails and apps to be very, very attractive! Still, just because someone brings me cocktails and dessert does not mean I have to sleep with them and let them move into my apartment with their Phish poster collection and their dog. A 20% tip should suffice!
Alas, as much as I love them for what they do and how hard they work, I’m putting my foot down. The cycle of dating waiters ends now. Think I’m being a stuck-up bey-otch? Maybe I am. Still, dating a waiter involves all of THIS stuff, which you have to admit kind of sucks.