Welcome to In Bed with Gigi Engle, a weekly column in which sex and relationships writer Gigi Engle answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes to anal, unrequited love to cheating: We want to hear it all.
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My dating life is doomed.
For starters, I;m a "nice guy." I also totally lack confidence with women. And, I'm on the sensitive side of the male spectrum. I've tried all sorts of things over the years to meet women: online dating, cooking classes, dance lessons, even volunteering at marathons. I've certainly met some great friends along the way, and a few cool girls I did end up going out with. Unfortunately, the women I dated weren't the ones I was interested in; while the ones I really liked blew me off.
Now I'm in my 30s, and feel like I've tried everything: improving myself, creating opportunities to meet women, even experimenting with faking elements of my personality. But I'm still totally self-conscious about getting the women I want.
What's the advice you would give for a truly good guy who's never had any luck with women?
Thanks for writing. Let's see if we can deconstruct what is going on in your love life.
First things first, please promise me you'll never refer to yourself as a "nice guy" or "good guy" ever again. This is something not-so-nice guys say to reel in unsuspecting women. It's fake -- and ladies who are worth your time know it.
Listen, I'm all for emotional literacy. I think men should be able to talk about their feelings, decode their own emotions, and cry whenever they need to. No one wants to make babies with a stunted robot. But if you're really a nice guy, you don't have to say it all the time. You don't have to tell women how you're "on the sensitive side of the spectrum." You just have to be nice. You just have to be sensitive and kind. If you feel the need to constantly box yourself in and talk about how nice you are, no one will buy that you're actually a nice person.