"Cow milk is for cow babies."
“I went on a blind date once with a movie executive. I was vegan at the time and put soy milk in my coffee. His response was something like, ‘Oh, you don’t drink milk? That makes sense actually. I mean, cow milk is for cow babies. And I’ve had this idea for a while. People should be drinking people milk. It makes more sense. We could pay women in third world countries a dollar a day to produce it.’ I excused myself, forever.”
-- Violet, 41
"Your name is Alex, right?"
“It was a lackluster OkCupid date. At the end when we were leaving the bar, she turns to me and says, ‘Your name is Alex, right?’”
-- Kyle, 29
"Apparently my grip is stronger than I thought."
“A friend of mine texted me from the hospital late at night. Message loosely read, ‘at hospital with my date.’ I asked for more details and got back, ‘Well, he’s getting stitches on his dick. Apparently my grip is stronger than I thought.’ I went back to bed.”
-- Amir, 31