Great counseling can come from the unlikeliest of sources -- unless you find Dr. Ruth hot, in which case you should probably go talk to Dr. Ruth. Opening a canine window into the world of your dreams, Thanks Professor. TP encourages the public to e-submit their dreams/ nightmares/ possible fabrications to be interpreted by the verbose Professor Fecalhorfer: a sharply dressed DOG who also happens to be a Jungian analyst with a dual PhD in Advanced Pedantics and Post-Rational Discourse, so you know he did more in school than just chase tail. A couple of excerpts: The Jimmy Carter Fetish: A college student finds herself cast as a "middle-aged Quaker" at a '70s key party, which leads to a surprisingly fulfilling sexual romp with the 39th President. Analysis: "The Professor believes former President Carter represents your as yet blooming progressive ideals. You want to believe that your political ideals will roger you gently -- indeed, that they will prove to be superior in every way to the hard and fast political fisting offered by the opposing side." The Squatting Mother: The dreamer revisits her grandmother's house -- clearly symbolic of a "safe place" in the dreamer's own mind -- to find her mother squatting there, surviving entirely off strange Japanese energy bars. Analysis: "In your previous dreams, the house was a welcoming and warm place, and yet in this dream it is deserted, creepy and weird. The Professor would suggest that it is the presence of your mother that makes it so." Whether or not your submission's interpreted depends on "how detailed an account you provide, The Professor's interest in and expertise on the topic...and The Professor's abilities to keep up with his correspondence"; if you yourself are having problems keeping it up, perhaps you should choose a hotter sex counselor, like...Dr. Drew!