Food & Drink

12 Signs You’re a Whiskey Snob

You don’t like whiskey—you love whiskey. You worship whiskey. You would bathe in whiskey if you didn’t think that filling a bathtub with whiskey would be a waste of good juice. But have you taken it too far? Here, 12 signs you’ve crossed the line from whiskey aficionado to full-on whiskey snob.

You can pronounce the gaelic word for whiskey (and do so quite often)

Ah, the delicious water of life, uisce beatha itself.

You cannot abide by people putting ice in their whiskey

They might as well put ketchup in there while they’re at it.

You have bottles signed by distillers

Steph, who signed your shirt? This bottle was signed by Eddie Russell, himself. That’s second generation Wild Turkey right there.

You don’t usually add water to your whiskey, but when you do, it’s craft Scottish water with an eye dropper

Just the tiniest drop to open up that mahogany sea of spirit.

You won’t even touch white whiskey

That’d be like eating bread dough or biting into a raw chicken breast. It’s not done yet.

You won’t even go into a bar if they make a drink with single malt scotch

Why would they ruin something so good and pure with sugar and spritz? The heathens.

You have not only been to the Bourbon Trail, but you could lead your own tour

Actually, you have lead a tour. It was back in 2012, and you received a standing ovation at the end.

You only drink out of Glencairn whisky glasses

No other glass captures and funnels the aroma of a spirit quite like them. To pour a Caol Ila 18-Year-Old into anything else would be like slapping it in the tasty, smoky face.

You tear up when someone pours Coke into good whiskey

To borrow a line from Charlton Heston, “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!”

You’ve traveled internationally just to shop for limited release bottles in the duty free shop

How else are you supposed to get your hands on a bottle of Johnnie Walker’s Explorers’ Club? It was just a quick jaunt to Iceland.  

You regularly say something tastes like “leather,” “cedar” or “wet stone”

These are perfectly logical tasting notes. We’ve all licked a wet stone before. We all know what that tastes like.

You will not call Fireball “whisky”

How dare it.