Because nobody seemed impressed when you absolutely steamrolled everyone at the Walk for Hunger, try again at Boston's inaugural Warrior Dash: a Nordic-themed, boot-camp-style, three-mile adventure race where bearded costume-clad punishment-gluttons crawl, climb, and limp over 10 "hazardous" obstacles in an effort to
show Dad they're good enough win an engraved steel Warrior helmet. Start training this minute for tear-inducing challenges like:
•Scurrying under barbed wire in "Muddy Mayhem", scrambling through the tangled ropes of "Arachnophobia", and speed-stepping through tires in "Knee High Hell", or what Verne Troyer calls "visiting a public restroom".
•Crawling through the tarp-covered "Tunnels of Terror" and jetting through the uncharted "Black Forest", which actually sounds like it should be a piece of cake.
•Scaling a giant wooden wall, and sprinting to the summit of Amesbury Sports Park's Hell's Hill, as if just being in Amesbury wasn't unpleasant enough.
•Braving other injury-inducing randomness like leaping over fire, skidding down "Satan's" muddy slope, and navigating through a scrapyard of old cars and junk metal.
Because everyone who makes it through is a winner, the afterparty's got t-shirts/ furry viking hats/ comp'd beer for participants, plus buy-able suds and medieval-looking turkey legs -- so filling, nobody will have to walk for anything.