Embracing the concept of working hard and going nowhere, your 2012 Texas Rangers... and Flywheel Sports, a state-of-the-art, stadium-seating stationary-cycling facility optimal both for the highly competitive and the not-at-all competitive. Here's a bunch of reasons why you'll want to train here, whoever "you" are:
Data At Your Disposal: You'll know exactly how you're doing at all times thanks to each maximally adjustable bike having a "tech pack" displaying speed, resistance, and TOTAL POWER.
Intense Competition Based on Data (or not): You don't have to do this (advisable if you suck), but you can post your stats on the "TorqBoard", then compete against the whole class -- or individuals -- based on your end-of-session numbers, or 30- and 60-second sprints. A la video games, you can use a fake name, like "Glute Blaster 57", or something better than that.
Tunes: Based on how they want to choreograph individual classes, instructors pull the latest rock/rap/pop mashups from a database compiled by NYC-based house DJ Scott Melker, who's big enough to've worked alongside everyone from Public Enemy to Sheryl Crow, and also have a Wikipedia page.
It's Very Dark: "Never let them see you sweat" is a lot easier when people actually can't see you sweat. The only illumination is a spotlight shining on your trainer, which is good, because of...
Girls Like This: This is one of their top trainers in New York. She might visit.
Arm/Shoulder Workouts: A weighted arm bar attached to your bike is incorporated into the workout, so you won't be all-glute, no deltoid.
Easy Tracking: All your stats are preserved on your digital profile's My Personal Workout page -- so, no more sweating all over that workout journal, and no more people seeing you write in a workout journal.
Loaner Shoes: Naturally, you'll want to wear cycling shoes designed to help maintain efficient energy transfer. However, embracing the concept of going nowhere near a cycling-shoe store, you won't want to actually buy a pair.