Maker USA

It's hard to find a dignified use for sports stuff past its prime -- old tennis balls are relegated to dog fodder, worn-out cleats get tossed, and Casey Affleck is currently in your mom's room having sex with your baseball mitt. For sports gear that you actually want people to see once it's aged, check out Maker USA

A line of fully functional snow, skate, and surfboards that double as wall art thanks to intricately detailed inlaid-wood designs, crafted using salvaged wood and construction techniques from other industries (e.g., a foamless surfboard with airplane-wing internals), Maker's the baby of a Philly-based amateur surfer who spent the last 20 years building furniture -- it should've only been 15, but he lost the last page of his EKTORP instructions. Snowboards, predictably, are his main game at the moment, with "Americana" designs including a bluesman propped in a front porch rocking chair, a dude bolting from his Airstream to go skiing, and a striped background fronted by a pair of running mustangs, although if you're a truly boastful shredder, be a man and request the "IROC". Mo' boards include lotus blossoms floating along a pool of water, a silhouetted squirrel traipsing along a wire, and a branch perched on by mockingbirds, also what Gilbert Arenas Gottfried did plenty of while roasting WNBA superstar Sue and her family

When it gets warmer, they'll have more of those aforementioned custom surfboards and long-decked skateboards featuring uniquely contoured bodies with just the right amount of curves, much like a certain catcher's mitt, to a certain Affleck.