New gym opens no sweat

One need only watch an hour of daytime TV to see infomercials for so many fitness programs designed to sculpt your bod in just minutes a day -- which by the way, could also be accomplished by going to the gym instead of watching an hour of daytime TV everyday. Why not combine the short workout thing with the actual gym thing, at The Movement Minneapolis.

Pairing old-school tools with new-school science, The Movement's a new-to-Uptown, warehouse'd fit factory, whose operators will teach you an unconventional routine to achieve "the fastest results in the least amount of time" (they claim three 25min workouts a week will do it), with movements designed to use natural momentum and "avoid excessive effort in training", so don't bother calling right this instant, as Bryant McKinnie is already clogging the line. Each workout -- built to suit and evolve with a client -- will take you to the brink of, but not past, strenuous exertion, and'll include stripped-down moves like kettle bell swings & presses, hanging ring pull-ups, and swinging a huge hammer at a tractor tire, or what Thor calls "how I get back at farmer ex-girlfriends". Because "if you can measure it, you can improve it", every rep you complete gets recorded by their proprietary tracking software, which'll analyze the raw data and spit out charts to better your fitness, which coincidentally, can also be bettered by spitting out pie.

Data entry and instruction is provided by the gym's founders for the first few sessions, but once you've become proficient at the movements and tracking, you're on your own, also part of the reason you're watching an hour of daytime TV every...single...day.