Lifestyle

A sled built for speedfreaks

Fighting the good fight against a discriminatory sled industry that foolishly favors the safety of fun-loving children, Snolo's developed an alpine sled specifically for fully grown manchildren seeking thrills that would make actual wee ones wet their snowpants.

Designed for "serious adult fun" and yet involving absolutely no genitals, the Stealth-X is capable of speeds over 40mph on average gradient slopes thanks to perching its ultra-light carbon fiber seat built atop a single front ski, which the rider steers "in much the same manner as a snowboard" (i.e., leaning into turns and pushing the corresponding foot peg forward). What's more, it can be worn as a freaking backpack by collapsing a single locking nut, making it ideal for exploring the backcountry where the hills aren't overrun run with stupid kids