The newest development in monkey bar fitness

When both Nitro and Donnie Wahlberg can beat you at Hang Tough, it's time to head over to Epic Fight Hybrid Fitness, a mod martial arts studio with a dedicated "Monkey Bar Gym", and a focus on "full-body mobility training" aimed at increasing mental toughness and physical prowess. Split into two sections, the matted half hangs heavy bags like sides of beef amidst the jungle-gym-esque bars dangling from chains on the ceiling; the other side looks like the business end of a leatherless S&M dungeon, loaded with wheels, weight bags, ropes, and rubber straps that hang from pipes, which should help you look smoking. But don't just look at it, USE it, by signing up for

The BWarrior Martial Arts System: A pro kickboxer since he was 21, your instructor also knows Kenpo, Tae Kwon Do, Muay Thai, and myriad other ways to make you smell his feet as he simulates real life situations, and teaches you self control, discipline, and mutual respect (so... what happened to the "real life" part?)

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu: Focusing on live sparring and ground techniques, "BJJ" teaches practitioners a "greater sense of self" and "perseverance". And also, how to choke someone out

The Monkey Bar Gym: Available nowhere else in Manhattan, this crazy training style is loaded with actually fun & difficult full-body maneuvers (e.g., bouncing pushups using those pipe-hanging rubber straps) that get back to fundamental movement patterns, requiring you to run, jump, crawl, and climb like a kid on a playground, a place you probably haven't been since both Nitro and Donnie were hanging tough.