Considering that all your Fatheads are terrible conversationalists, you should really hang out with the actual athletes rounded up by Thuzio. The service, co-founded by former New York Giant and current karaoke enthusiast Tiki Barber, will hook you up with their gigantic stable of current and former pros, which somehow doesn't include noted horse-man Shannon Sharpe. Nonetheless, the guys they do have will literally do whatever you want them to if the price is right, presumably including competing on The Price Is Right. While the possibilities are endless, right now you can
- Do a night of karaoke with Tiki himself (he's mad good at "Humpty Dance"... check the video evidence above)
- Introduce business clients to Darryl "Chocolate Thunder" Dawkins, and have him close every deal ever for you. He's also great at naming things cool stuff.
- Play a round of golf with Mike Bossy or Bucky Dent
- Do lunch with Anthony Mason and ask him about the sweet crap written in his hair
- Have Tim Hardaway or Carl Banks show up at your Fantasy Draft, then ridicule you when you pick Roy Helu
If those don't excite you, you were clearly in theater in high school, but there's still hope for you yet, as you can hit up Thuzio to propose just about anything with any of their clients -- just like we did when we decided that Tiki should live up to his names by giving us haircuts and making us delicious, very strong tiki drinks before we hit the karaoke bar. Seriously, watch the video.