And now, introducing a foolproof way to get a personal trainer in your pants... pocket: Vitogo, an iPhone/iPod app that'll plot out an ever-changing workout routine tailored to you, complete with instructions and goals -- although Mexican soccer fans should note that their goals will take forever.
To generate your custom workout, tell the app your gender, fitness goals (build muscle, lose weight, Ryan Gosling), how much experience you have working out (just starting, less than a year, Ryan Braun), and your weight (oh, Rex Ryan, gross).
Since you're likely more familiar with Nestle than stomach crunches, tapping any exercise in your assigned routine'll bring up photos, trainer-approved instructions, and a video of the exercise, plus a timer that forces you to rest/fill in completed weight & reps between sets. At the end of every week, the app'll crunch all the numbers and generate a new seven-day routine based on your progress, so actually do stuff, lest both you and it sit there in awkward silence when nothing has changed.
Back at home, Vitogo'll automatically sync your phone to your site profile and award you trophies (yay!) based on your progress, before giving you the option to share your accomplished goals via Facebook or Twitter, where that soccer announcer would need at least 10140 characters to share his.