Philly Striped Bass Derby

The rivers of Philly have provided many things over the years: drinking water, thoroughfares for pre-railroad commerce, and a secure, battleship-protected border between us and Camden. Whaddaya mean the guns don't work? Now giving you a chance to win some sweet loot in those waterways, the Philly Striped Bass Derby

The Derby's a first-of-its-kind, uniquely 100% land-borne fishing tourney set within the Philly city limits, pitting anglers against one another as they plod along the banks of the Schuylkill and the Delaware (no boats allowed) in hopes of reeling in the largest striped bass, blue crab, or catfish -- the latter of which is much easier now that Mr. Hunter's hanging out with Boog Powell. The rules require that you be licensed (can be done for cheap at any sporting goods store), that all catch-and-release fishing occur between May 1st and June 4th, and that all fish must be photographed against an official yardstick to determine "biggest fish" (note: what constitutes a Big Fish is determined by how Tim Burton interprets the bucolic South). Land the widest blue crab and you get a "Golden Crab" trophy, haul in the biggest catfish and score $100, and get between $100 to $250 if you hook the three largest stripers, then presumably spend your prize money on the same thing, plus an extra "p"

So you don't look like a vagrant searching for dinner, they're hosting a slew of group fishing events, like a launch party at Johnny Brenda's and community days at Bertram's Garden and Penn Treaty Park, also a great place to keep an eye on Jersey. You know they're planning some mischief...