It's awesome to get dirty, whether it's from rough and rewarding physical labor, exuberant childlike outdoor play, or a multi-state manhunt that ends at a South Philly McDonald's. RIP ODB! Getting you dirty for an awesome cause: Mud Run MS Portland
Slopping into Oregon for the first time to benefit the National MS Society, Mud sees you brave an intensely mucky 6.2mi course featuring 30 obstacles like balance beams, walls, and a Slip 'n Slide, all described as "military style", because apparently the federal government is too cheap to shell out for Crocodile Mile. Some stuff that can't wait to get in your way
Tire Mountain: A dozen or so enormous tires are stacked in a knobby, wobbly pyramid, the scaling of which organizers say requires "explosive leg strength", so expect Guile to be pretty good at this
Leap of Faith: This early-'90s Steve Martin dramedy most people have forgotten roadblock consists of an 8ft platform that requires you jump into a pit of "mysterious depth". So, prepare to be dazzled by a mystique-filled pit that isn't named Brad
Gorilla Ropes: You've gotta use monkey bars made of ropes to cross a 25ft mud-pit, a task they claim only 10% of male competitors will successfully conquer, which'll hurt your chances at the winner's trophy, as you're out if you miss any obstacle, although you do get three shots at each. So go ahead and fail twice
Once you're through, you can place your disgusting hands all over on-site grub from food carts like Korean taco-slingin' KOi Fusion and the burgermeisters of Violetta, plus Mud Run's offering competitors two free post-race beers from Ninkasi, which's nice, since they already got your money. I said hey!