There’s nothing worse when skiing than waiting forever for the chairlift, and then, once the moderately popular electropop duo finally show up, waiting to get on the mechanical metal seat-thing that takes you up the mountain. Well now the second one’s all taken care of, thanks to Anthony Lakes’ Own the Mountain Package.
Just like it says, OTM’ll let you and up to 24 buds basically own the Blue Mountains getaway for a day, meaning you’ll be able to go wherever you damn please without worrying about annoying “other people”/making tons of money off the place you own. Everything you need to know:
They'll bar anyone outside your group from hitting the slopes on your special day from 9a-2p
You’ll have total reign over 1100 acres and 21 runs, which will eventually lead them to assume you’re counting cards
Those runs are 20% beginner, 38% intermediate, and 42% expert, and 100% "You're doing a daffy!"
Lunchables are awesome is included!
If you like, they’ll groom your choice of runs for a nominal fee (note: does not include the eternal price of acknowledging that you’re a total pansy who needs runs groomed for him)
There’re two remarkably reasonable price options: $2500 for up to 15 people (just $167/man), or $3500 for up to 25, although if you’re that popular, you’re obviously Frank Stallone and own, like, five mountains already
Come day’s end, you’ll head to the lodge’s Starbottle Saloon to be happily exhausted and down local brews including Tumble Off Pale Ale from Baker City’s Barley Browns, the Cleveland ones being yet another thing you can own that won’t make you any money
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