Lifestyle

Run, climb, and crawl your way to <strike>the finish</strike> beer

Coming to SD in three weeks' time, Rugged Maniac's a rapidly approaching fitness-masochist's dream with all of the intensity of a Tough Mudder condensed into a manageable 5K format peppered with 18 “burly obstacles” designed with the help of Navy SEALs when they're not busy ridding the world of global terrorist threats, or rooting against Army in football, or whatever. Survivors will be rewarded with live music/ food/ beer/ games at the after-party immediately following the race, but, be warned: you'll first have to conquer misleadingly named obstacles like: Pipe Nightmare: Not that recurring one where you leave home without your one-hitter, only to realize you can't go home until, like, lunch to get it, they warn this hard-to-navigate maze of pipes may still cause one to “trip”. Drowned Rat Maniac: Do you think, for this obstacle, you're forced to live in a sewer for three months systematically eliminating vermin while you slowly go insane, but ultimately end up learning a lot about yourself in the process? Well, it could be that, or it could be a deep pool with apparatus set up to “force you under cold and muddy water”.Terrible Scramble: You're probably like, “how in the H-E-double-hockey-sticks did they get my mom's recipe!?”. But they didn't. They just created an arduous run over uneven, muddy terrain. Suicide Slide: This 50ft water slide is designed by “licensed contractors”, with an intense jump at the bottom that should rip off so many articles of clothing, there is a strong likelihood that, by the end, you won't have any of that sweet Wet SEAL gear you came in.