Please, tase me bro

San Diego

Seeing how nowadays you basically have to go to a town hall meeting or a Phillies game to see someone get tased (and good luck staying awake for either of those!), an SD local with an intensive paintball background dreamed up UTB: a fresh-to-death team sport born from the desire for a more futuristic, though still quite painful, way for dudes to get an intense adrenaline rush, via reduced-power tasers for "shock value", something Tulsa's WNBA squad could also get by trading seldom-used small forward Chastity Reed.

How to Play:
Teams of four battletoads! through three 7min periods on a 200ft x 85ft playing field with a key-esque “Shock Zone” in front of each goal, which only one defender can occupy for any length of time (most teams go sans-goalie in favor of an additional attacker). Scoring comes by throwing/pushing/carrying the nearly Swedish-workout-sized ball across the plane of a standard indoor soccer goal. And because watching eight dudes stun each other into oblivion would only be fun the first infinity times, defensive stuns are reserved for the ball-carrier only, while those in possession are totally free to electrically limp-arm any hapless defenders who dare to actually defend, though neck or groin stuns trigger 30-45s power-plays, so... people will most likely continue zapping you in the neck/groin.

Where to See Dudes Get Tased:
Taking things to a place known for all things legal and safe, they're hitting Thailand in the beginning of March for an all-star exhibition featuring members of the San Diego Spartans, among others, before bringing things back later in the month for a match in Huntington Beach where, once again, the strong arm of the government will be able to regu... zzzzzzz.

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