Because claims that you "don't see race" are probably just due to track meets being un-watchably boring, try the clearly awesome Rebel Race: an adrenaline-fueled, 5 or 15K military-style scramble where costumes are encouraged, obstacles are plentiful, and the founders promise to test your "physical toughness" and "mental endurance", which is presumably how long you can keep from leaving the room while some British guy condescendingly asks "are you mental?!" Wrench your gut by:
* Getting all training-campy through the "Fast Twitch Tires", powering down and up a gully in "Cross the Ditch Bitch", and crawling over the "Hay Dude!" pyramid of bale, aka the prison-detainee-esque photos that Christian used to make assistant AD's pose for.
* Braving the real-fire "Flaming Fury", dominating tunnels like Donatello in the "Ninja Turtle Sewer", and taking a wild descent down the "Slippery Slope Slide", also Chris Brown's hot new video move.
*Rope climbing over water in "Gamble with Geese", Full Metal Jacketing under the barbed wire of the "Military Mud Pit", and climbing up a mud-mountain in "Hell at the Himalayas", or what the Tibetans call "another visit from Richard Gere".
Finish line awards'll be given to "The Muddiest" and the best "Rebel Costume", though everyone who makes it through will be awarded a handsome medal and a free beer, a fitting recognition that no matter what color people see, they can no longer call you yellow.