Founded by an auto mechanic who blamed his consistently irritated skin on commercial soap suds rather than the fact that he spent all day with his arm shoved up an exhaust pipe because look, there's no way it could be that, Sam's Natural is a for-men-by-men skincare line, not to be confused with a for-men-by- "the man" skincare line, as that would just "hold you down"... while other people cut in front of you for the shower at the Gold's Gym in Quincy.
The top of the line:
Knuckle Wax: For the prison guard with a sensitive side, this one's ideal "for harsh work conditions", like punching someone in the face, or soothing dry skin on a chilly day after you've just punched someone in the face.
Down There Repair: Aloe-based, Gold Bond-ish itch relief for the perpetual dry-humper stuck with the prude -- this'll buy you at least another week of cuddling on your (parents') basement futon with Titanic on mute and Robin Thicke on repeat.
Campin Cool: A lotion-meets-pest-repellant for the Eagle Scout who can build a fire, kill his own food, and tell you what kind of Sumac you're touching (yep, that one's poison), but is terrified of tiny harmless insects with a lifespan of 3-4 hours.
Um, Soap for Men: Specifically designed for the guy who gets confused by the simplest of labels, this bar is made from a blend of olive, coconut, and almond oil, which you should NOT attempt to put in your customers' cars, unless you want to see even more constant irritation.
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