Because it's nearly impossible to sneak within wet-willy range of someone wearing steel-toed Doc Martens, slip on a pair of Wassookeag Moccasins, a nascent line of made-to-order, classically styled leather mocs, slippers, and loafers which conform to the shape of your foot, boast contrast stitching/rawhide laces, and are lovingly handsewn, one shoe at a time, by a father-son team in the Central Maine region of Bangor, whose previously best-known export was jokes ending with "...I barely know her!". Create your own kicks by mix-and-matching:
Leathers: A veritable game ranch of rugged, full-grain hide uppers (in an assortment of tasty colors like tobacco, chocolate, etc.) sewn from tanned buffalo, cows, moose, elk, and bulls, though hopefully not Joakim Noah's, as his skin's sort of gross.
Lining: Cozy toe-touchers run from a soft, breathable deerskin for extra comfort, to a polyester/acrylic fleece for added warmth, to an au naturel option using the soft suede fur-side of the leather referred to as "fuzzy nap", aka nestling down for some shut-eye in Noah's frizzed-out ponytail.
Soles: Easily switch up your shoe's style completely by opting for a soft-soled slipper, double-soled canoe, or a boat shoe variation with a flex-sole, or what Mike Katz does at Southern Baptist revivals.
Presciently aware of your propensity to match shoes with desktop accoutrement, WM also sells an elegant handful of two-layer mousepads made with suede bottoms and leather tops, hopefully cushioned enough to cut down on the late-night sounds of you wetting your own Willy.