Creepy custom-knit apparel

There's something hilariously appealing about injecting a bit of hardcore into that which is inherently cute...c'mon, water-skiing squirrel, you know just what you're doing! For grandma-approved gifts given the horror treatment, check out Brutal Knitting.

From a self-taught chick living in a tiny, "hellish" island town in British Columbia, BK's a commission-based operation peddling creepy sci-fi/ horror-inspired knit stuffs, partially due to her "innumerable years of scant socialization", so just be thankful she started making bombers instead of becoming one. To get started, just shoot her an email with any messed-up ideas you have (theme, favorite colors, specific character...) and she'll respond to determine specs/offer some feedback; getting in the queue means a $75 deposit, with another $75 due "when received and happy", though unless you're certain she won't blow you up, you should probably pay. Past steez includes an all-grey goat-like facemask with big devil horns and floppy ears; a green unicorn-horned job reminiscent of Zeke, the spaceship pilot in Heavy Metal who snorted plutonium nyborg; and a dreadlocked, pincer-mouthed, navy number resembling a Predator, an attention-grabbing look that makes it a bad choice if you happen to be one yourself.

For face nudists, she'll create purely decorative art pieces, from mini Skeletor plush dolls, to cheeseburgers with the tentacles of a jellyfish, which stopped being cute when they attacked water-skiing squirrel, R.I.P.