Because Ozzie Canseco has completely poisoned the integrity of modern celebrity boxing, wear t-shirts from an imaginary place where the contestants are even weirder, and the action always pure: Witzkrieg. Started "on a wing and a prayer...and money from my car accident", this Houston outfit pits a historical motley crew against each other, with pre-bout promotional posters on the shirts' fronts, and your winner of choice on back. Some of the legendary bouts:
H.P. Lovecraft v. Edgar Allen Poe: In this masters-of-horror melee, Lovecraft enters the ring to Metallica's misspelled masterpiece "The Call of Ktulu", then tries to ring Poe's "The Bells".
Sagan v. Hawking: Will Hawking commit Sagan to a black hole? Will Sagan make Hawking go supernova? Either way, don't let your old physics prof see you wearing his heroes as comic-book characters, or he'll think you've infinitely regressed.
Teddy Roosevelt v. The Brazilian Manfish: Teddy floats like a butterfly and carries a big stick as he battles the star of one episode of the 1960s sci-fi series Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, not to be confused with Voyager to the Bottom of the Sea, which was about someone who gave a real rough ride to their minivan.
Other match-ups include Vlad the Impaler v. Genghis Khan, and Odin v. Zeus -- though it sucks to see them fighting each other, since between their godlike abs and immortal beards, you'd swear those two were twins.