Modestly, the greatest board shorts of all time

Hiding things in your shorts is difficult, especially if you've got an absolute python. Seriously -- those things are huge, and can kill you if you're not properly trained. Leave your python in your pants, but hide a bunch of other stuff too, with D Lush board shorts

From the dudes behind the nutsy motocross-centric Irvine-based Metal Mulisha, Lush's a just-dropped board short that's collage-style patched up w/ Mulisha-scripted-takes on beer logos and best of all, specially set up to semi-covertly tote up to 90oz of beer, so John Daly's going to have to wear four pairs, at least. In order to lug around all those suds, they've got two cargo-type pockets each equipped for a pair of tallboys, plus two skull-decorated straps on the back that're specially-reinforced for the weight of a can, unless it's from the size 38KKK chest of Guinness Record Holder Sheyla Hershey. Of course, there're side-pockets too (yes John Daly, each is about deep enough for a regular-sized can), plus the shorts come with an aluminum bottle opener attached to the inside of the side pocket, which is hard to access if you're playing in the pool.

If you're unimpressed by those specific board shorts, you're lying, but they've also got several other pairs to choose from including a hand-art'd black number called The Stand, also something that's difficult to do, when attempting to deal with that python. Movement is his enemy!