Own

Rotenier Cufflinks

Because at some point you're going to have to wear a shirt with cuffs honoring the people who love mayonnaise, stubble, and headbutting Italians for calling their sisters whores, there're Rotenier Cufflinks, a line of anything-but-stodgy pieces designed by an actual Frenchman who just added gold 'links to a collection that also includes silver and black numbers, plus some plated with rhodium, which's one of the rarest precious metals, along with Mo'nique doing Master of Puppets at karaoke. Some winning cuff-connector categories

Booze: There's everything from a beer bottle cap opposite an opener, to a Champagne bottle and cork, to a corkscrew paired with a tiny wine bottle, which definitely won't be enough for the man who owns wine bottle cufflinks

Weapons: Get strapped with everything from a handgun/bullet combo, to a missile and grenade, which The Situation will foist on Pauly D once again, as Sammi and Ronnie either fight or sleep, and someone makes a joke about how Snookie loves pickl...man, remember when this show was good

Vehicles: Rot's got 1930s, '40s, and '50s sports cars with a steering wheel on the flip side, a chopper motorcycle with a skull, plus an engine and a "private jet", but not a Jet's privates, because Brett Favre isn't on the team anymore.