Mustaches have always been a great way to express individuality: look at Dali, whose antennae-like version was as weird as his artwork, or Hitler, whose whimsical "toothbrush" job expressed his child-like wonder towards the world...oh crap, that was Charlie Chaplin. Regardless, we called in the facially hirsute gents from Man's Face Stuff -- who craft scented mustache waxes (tobacco 'n coffee, gin 'n tonic) meant to tame, condition, sculpt, and weatherproof the hair-up-there -- to learn you on optimizing your nose's mud flap.
- Use Photoshop to paste potential looks on your photo; if not skilled in Photoshop, please leave Portland immediately.
- Hide the start of your 'stache by growing a full beard and shaving down to your style.
- Trim the whole deal to match your slowest-growing hairs, which the guys claim're often on the side of your head that you sleep on. To get everything growing evenly, sleep like Batman.
- For a Selleck, trim hair shorter at the lip and let top hairs cascade over like a Hawaiian waterfall.
- For a Fu Manchu, trim hairs short at the lip and only let the edges grow longer.
- Don't trim or wax right after a shower, but before you leave home. If homeless, stop spending your money on mustache wax.
- Waxing early trains hairs to grow in the proper direction: from the center outward.
- Twisting creates tensile strength; use both hands when twisting your handlebar, also a great rule for wicked sweet tailwhips.
As you grow and show, check out Stuff's annual new scents, or pick up a special "Action Pack" including two tins of wax, a Chapstick-esque travel tube, and an "I support your mustache" button they throw in for free, so you could basically say that it's Kampfed.