Pickpocket-proof pants

Are you getting corns on your feet because of the change in your shoe? Are you weary of sewing cash into your tie? Are you a 1930's hobo? If so, ditch your bindle and throw on a pair of these thieve-thwarting slacks, guaranteed to stop even the most nimble-fingered Dickensian street urchin

After getting pickpocketed himself, P^cubed (Pickpocket Proof Pants) inventor Adam Rapp set out to put multiple layers of zippers, pockets, and water-repellent Teflon coating between his stuff and those who want it. With P^cubed, say goodbye to wallet chains, fanny packs, and puffed-chest strutting

With pocket room enough for a half liter of water and numerous guidebooks, you'll be prepared for whatever situation your world travels throw at you. And you'll look less like a slob doing it, since the pants resist stains, repel water, and are as disrespectful to wrinkles as they are jackers.