Own

Bags, shirts, and A-Team lamps

Jack Spade is prepared to sell you clothes, bags, and naturally, Venus fly traps in its sparkly new Pearl District shop whose walls are pasted with vintage nudie mags, books on the joys of cocaine, and, of course, a photo of a naked Geraldo romping with naked-er chicks who clearly read those books

Threads: Get Jacked from head to toe with everything from aviators and flannel, to cardigans, overcoats, buttondowns, the brand's signature Barron boat shoes, and corduroy blazers that're hopefully more durable than brandonroy blazers

Accessories: Grab day, messenger, and computer bags in addition to wallets made from leather & duct tape, briefcases in case you have lots of unmarked non-consecutive bills, to, y'know, buy collectible Redbook back issues with, and money clips emblazoned with words like "Bacon", "Dough", "Cheddar", and "Bones"

Neither/Nor: The joint's covered in more buyable tchotchkes than an Office Space theme party, including old racing trophies, antique radios, a vintage A-Team toy van converted into a lamp, and dog toys shaped like mustaches, because everyone knows bitches love Geraldo.