The best, shortest shorts ever

Over the past century, the term ""short and sweet" has become so common that nowadays it usually comes as a shock when someone bites into a midget and finds the results rather less pleasing to the palate. For a short that's sweetness is partially due to its radically diminutive-yet-not-human size, check out Chubbies.

From a trio of Stanford grads who decided to put their elder-shaming degrees to good work, Chubbies are a fresh line of crotch-covers rockin' just the right amount of hug that “may or may not be made with lightning", but, either way, are perfect for housing Frankenstein's little monster.

Because anything nestling that close to the goods should be breathing extra-soft, each pair is constructed using the highest-of-quality cotton, and washed with rocks to soften 'em up at Cali's “highest-rated wash-shop”, presumably because they were the one shop in Cali that stocked a copy of The Wash.

Launching with a square nine pairs, the thigh-shower-offers come in delightfully described varieties like the sky-blue Captain (“The short of authority on the high seas”), the seafoam-green Three Commas (“almost guaranteed to help get you there”), and the faded-turquoise Legend -- purchase it, and it'll become the Legend of your Fall. Tristttaannnn!!!!