If, like most people, your reaction upon looking at a sleeping bag is "Man, I could snag so many more ladies if I could wear this thing like a hoodie", then you should probably apply for a job at Poler, a new Portland camp & travel outfitter making "the world's highest standard of stuff", as the world's highest standard of fluff is already made from crazy-sticky marshmallows.
Steal your step dad's credit card and use it to buy:
Napsacks: This hooded bag of comfort (with a cinch at the bottom and zippers at the shoulders to pop your arms free) is essentially what would happen if a sleeping bag, a Snuggie, and a puffy jacket had a threesome (Stephen Baldwin would play the Snuggie, of course).
Bags: The rucksack has an old-school vibe (NOTE: this one contains no profiles of The Fugees) as well as removable side pouches, leather lash-downs, and a padded laptop sleeve, while the duffel has a sweet skateboard strap, backpack lashes that can be tucked away, and a camo color scheme that -- wait, where'd those skateboard straps and backpack lashes go?!?
Tents: The over-nighters come in two options -- the less-than-5lbs one-man, with see-through fabric overhead for pointing out what is definitely not the North Star, and a two-man with eye-shaped windows, two vestibules, and plenty of room for you and that lady hiker who just can't stop fondling your Napsack.