Since real boxing tees are usually so lame, horse trainers have actually volunteered to put them down, wear instead one from the imaginary fightin' world of Witzkrieg, a t-shirt outfit started "on a wing and a prayer...and money from my car accident" by a Tejas dude who imagines bouts between fictional/historical/scientifical celebs, then puts pre-fight promo posters on the front, and your choice of winner on the back. Must-have scraps include:
Vlad the Impaler v. Genghis Khan: Sure, the leader of the Mongols may have killed "as many as 40 million people based on census data of the times", but Vlad actually convinced people that he was a blood-sucking vampire who hates garlic, presumably because the taste stayed with him even after he'd brushed his teeth and tongue.
Edison v. Tesla: Will Tesla's alternating current confuse TE? Or will the most prolific inventor in history simply invent a completely new way to box that he actually saw someone else do first, but just be super savvy about marketing it? Either way, somebody's getting their lights put out.
Teddy Roosevelt v. The Brazilian Manfish: Yes, of course the guest star from one episode of some '60s sci-fi show is the perfect candidate to square off against our only President to carry a big stick, coin the phrase "square deal", and run for President again as a member of the progressive third party Bull Moose, also what everyone on Saved by the Bell said to Mark Clayman, when he told them someone actually remembered his dumb jock character's name.
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