Tech

You Can Buy Uranium on Amazon And The Reviews Are Hilarious

Published On 12/02/2014 Published On 12/02/2014

Okay, it's not located in the Amazon warehouse—it's drop-shipped—but you can still summon actual uranium with one click. This may seem terrifying, but fear not, someone can't just go out and make a dirty bomb. It's ore, not the enriched stuff. Still, that doesn't mean it's not radioactive.

It is.

Amazon

Since it's naturally occurring, it's exempt from licensing. Each sample of this incredibly dense element lists its counts per minute, measured by a Geiger Counter. This includes all different types of radiation.

Wikipedia

Why would you buy this, besides novelty? Well, to calibrate Geiger counters would be one. But if the Amazon reviews are anything to go by, people tend to buy this stuff for the fun factor. When one user asks whether they ship it ground, another jumps right in: 

"No sir, just give us your coordinate and we will deliver it via intercontinental missile in less than an hour, guaranteed speed."

The reviews are spectacular. (Heads up: reviews are verbatim; misspellings, etc.)

"Magic stuff. Been taking 1 spoon a day for 3 weeks. I can now type this review using all 12 fingers."

"I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty."

"I got a free cat in the box with this purchase but I'm not sure if I should open it to see if the cat is ok."

Amazon

"I bought this to power a home-made submarine that I use to look for prehistoric-era life forms in land-locked lakes around my home town in Alaska. At first I wasn't sure if this item would (or could) arrive via mail, but I was glad to see it showed up with no problems. Well, almost no problems."

"Unfortuantly my mom opened my mail, because she does not respect people's privacy. She was pretty upset to see Uranium Ore. After a long argument and me running away from home again, she finaly stopped being such an idiot and I was able to get back to work."

"The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was bying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, but at half the price! I just hope the seller does not run out, because I have many projects on my list including a night vision sasquatch radar, an electromagnetic chupakabra cage, a high velocity, aerial, weighted Mothman net and super heated, instant grill cheese sandwhich maker."

But not everyone is happy:

"I thought I was ordering Uranium 235. This stuff is not fissionable and not at all appropriate for building a death ray or small nuclear reactor."

"I left this product next to my pet lizard, unfortunately now he's 350ft tall now and is currently destroying Tokyo, Japan."


Ethan Wolff-Mann is an editor at Supercompressor. He loves reading Amazon reviews. Follow him on Instagram and Twitter.

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