In case you're subletting a bedroom under a rock, Vanity Fair had a pretty significant tech conference a few weeks ago. Big hitters from across the Media/Tech/Entertainment space converged in San Francisco for what was dubbed "The New Establishment Summit," but as always, the belle of the ball was Apple's mysterious Minister of Magic, Jonathan Ive.
In the clip below, Vanity Fair's Graydon Carter presses Jonathan for a rough outline of his daily schedule. While the conversation evolves into a lovely tangent, I was able to get just enough meat on those bones to flesh out what the average morning of Sir Jony Ive might look like on any given day. Peruse at your leisure after the clip.
You Throw This Fire Extinguisher Like a Hand Grenade
7:30am - Selects car, probably going with the Black Bentley Brooklands if he's feeling a bit broodish, likely the Rover if there’s a raincloud in the forecast. 7:31am - Plugs in iPhone 6, syncs with Bluetooth. 7:36am - Calls Mom/Dad/Tim Cook. 8:03am - Enough chat, queues up Apex Twin’s new album. Feeling it. "Bloody great speakers in this Bentley," he thinks to himself. 8:04am - “Siri, make note to buy more Bentleys" 8:04am - "All set Jony, I’ve made your note to buy more breadcrumbs" 8:05am - “Siri, delete note to buy more breadcrumbs" 8:05am - “All set Jony, I’ve deleted your note to buy more breadcrumbs" 8:05am - “Thanks, Siri" 8:05am - “My pleasure, Jony." 8:15am - Gets cheeky text from Mark Newson, pastes a .gif of John Cleese doing that Minister of Silly Walks bit. 8:19am - No reply from Mark 8:20am - Gridlock traffic, watches Mark write and then delete a message 4 times.
8:37am - Text from Mark: “Heh, I love that one. You seen this one?” 8:37am - Gif of Food Network's Giada De Laurentiis sensually licking cake appears. 8:40am - Sits on Mark’s response for a few minutes so he doesn’t think he’s desperate. 8:41am - “Love that one. Met her at a thing in New York once, you don’t realize she’s 5’2” till you look down and she’s about waist high.” He texts back to Mark. 8:42am - “A sublime height for un-gentlemanly reasons.” Mark weighs in. 8:43am - Shakes his head, slight grin. 8:50am - Still in traffic on the 280, just one more Godforsaken exit. 8:55am - Taylor Swift’s new single sneaks into Shuffle mode somehow. 8:57am - Presses "Next Song” on Spotify. 9:03am - Relief washes over him like an awesome wave, his favorite parking spot is right where he left it. 9:07am - Gets to desk. 9:07am - 9:47am - Email. 9:50 or so - Gathers his team around an Apple store table in their office. 9:55am - 6pm - Invents the f*cking iPhone 7.
Ted Gushue is the Executive Editor of Supercompressor, and yes, he did in fact wait in line overnight for the original iPhone in 2007. See if he can still tweet from it @TedGushue.