You know of "encryption" for your hard drive's most sensitive materials. But who the hell knows how to actually set that stuff up? No one. No one knows and no one will ever know. That's where the Autothysis128t comes in.
Unlike a standard hard drive that can be recovered after erasing—you've seen CSI, so we don't need to tell you—the Secure Drives Autothysis128t will actually remotely self-destruct on your command. No, this is not a joke.
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The drive (which can be used in a computer and externally via USB) comes with a yearly GSM subscription, allowing you to send a text to kill the drive. The drive can tell you if it was moved; it can also tell you how many times the password was tried, and if it goes out of GSM range.
It can destruct automatically based on those criteria as well—if you don't want to pull the trigger and send the text yourself. We're hoping the next drive takes a sunglasses form.
Ethan Wolff-Mann is an editor at Supercompressor. He hopes to never self-destruct. Follow him on Twitter @ewolffmann.