Alongside dystopian America's taste for hard drugs and defunct flying automobiles, we've perfected the art of murdering our fellow man in the most excruciating and scientifically confusing ways possible. Below you will find the deadliest weapons from the best futuristic films, even though a few of the flicks take place a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. (Spoiler alert: Star Wars.)
11. The Human Mind — Scanners
In David Cronenberg's 1981 sci-fi horror movie, people have telepathic and telekinetic powers that can literally blow up a human head—as demonstrated through this colorfully nauseating GIF. Proving, of course, that the most deadly weapon is the one you can't even see.
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10. Noisy Cricket — Men in Black
"I feel like I'm gonna break this damn thing," Agent J (a.k.a. Jaden Smith's dad) claims upon receiving the Noisy Cricket. While this gun technically doesn't kill anybody, the recoil is powerful enough to send Will Smith into the windshield of a taxicab.
The choice piece of equipment for the incontestably coolest son-of-a-bitch in the galaxy, Han Solo. While his buds were busy toting around lightsabers and using Jedi mind tricks to make sh*t levitate, Han went old-school with the Blaster. Was its aim terribly accurate? No. Did it blast a hole through Greedo's smug little green bod? Hell yes.
8. Sick Stick — Minority Report
Imagine if you were to take the pummeling qualities of a police baton and combine that with ability to induce vomit in a subject under arrest. Boom! The perfect police weapon.
7. Deckard's Gun — Blade Runner
What made this piece so particularly badass and deadly was its similarity to any old-school cop pistol—except this one killed robots! That's what Blade Runner did so effortlessly: integrate the '50s noir-era cop dramas with a bleak future setting that apparently was prone to downpours 365 days per year. Plus, let's be honest here, Harrison Ford could look menacing with a buffalo wing in his hands.
6. Power Loader — Aliens
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how many loads this thing power-lifted—all we care about is how Ripley annihilates the alien at the end of the aptly-named movie, Aliens. In perhaps one of the sickest scenes of the film, the unabashed rage and power of an angry woman paired with a futuristic industrial machine come to fruition. Because you just don't kill someone's friends and threaten Earth at once—you just don't!
This gun does it all: titanium recharger, 3,000-round clip bursts, replay shot that sends every following shot to the same location, rocket launcher, arrow launcher, net launcher, flamethrower, and it's undetectable by X-ray.
Also, ladies and gentlemen, Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg, perhaps one of the finest roles played by the immaculate Gary Oldman.
4. Phaser — Star Trek
Okay let's nerd out for a hot minute. There are actually varying degrees of deadliness with these directed-energy weapons—as well as many different models. The degrees vary from the less-deadly stun to the totally-deadly kill, but a special setting of "overload" creates a force-chamber explosion by building up energy and not releasing it...sort of like shaking up a soda can. And that is how you do a Star Trek-style description of explaining how something works by relating it to a completely unrelated object.
3. The Alpha-Omega Bomb — Beneath the Planet of the Apes
This is only—only—slotted third because it's a decided fact that most of the American population doesn't care about/remember the masterpiece that is the second installment of the Planet of the Apes franchise. The Alpha-Omega Bomb was not only worshipped by a cult of post-apocalyptic human freaks—but it was also detonated by an oddly well-dressed Charlton Heston, thus destroying the entire Earth. Such a power move.
2. Lightsaber — Star Wars
Not only could you poke an eye out with one of these things, but you could poke out the eye of the dude in the next room over, too. This unassuming little energy weapon is the Jedi's signature weapon and can be used in close range or far away to deflect blaster bolts.
More than anything, it looks and sounds badass and cut off two separate vital appendages in the Star Wars franchise. Fun fact: Samuel L. Jackson requested a purple one to make his character of Mace Windu easily distinguishable.
Don’t forget—that’s no moon, it’s a space station. While its core security features were a bit flawed...like, flawed enough where a bunch of people could just fly in and blow sh*t up all willy-nilly, the Death Star was no joke.
What’s that quote Obi-Wan says as terror fills his old little eyes? Ah, yes: “I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.” Yeah, that’s what happens when you blow up the entire planet of Alderaan.
Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and now realizes that Jar Jar Binks is the Nic Cage of the Star Wars universe.