If you want a zero-bullsh*t device that offers basic computer capabilities, then C.H.I.P. may be your best option. Built with a 1 GHz processor and 4 GB of storage, and measuring just 1.5 inches x 2.3 inches, this device is just a screen away from tapping into its full web browsing, gaming, and office potential.
Simply connect C.H.I.P. to a keyboard and monitor via its built-in composite output or VGA/HDMI adapter, and you'll be able to access dozens of pre-loaded apps, including email, Chromium web browser (which isn't Chrome actually), media player, and LibreOffice.
An open source operating system means you can run thousands of additional free ones, or modify its schematics to configure the device to your most specific of day-to-day computer functions. To make C.H.I.P. portable, attach it to PocketC.H.I.P., a durable 4.3-inch 470-pixel by 272-pixel screen that comes with a full QWERTY keyboard.