Take your QWERTY and shove it, man. The murdered-out Das Keyboard 4 Ultimate is the most gangster keyboard possible. The matte black design is sleek as hell, with no numbers or letters visible on the layout. It's specifically designed for faster and more accurate typing, with gold-plated switches and dedicated media controls that look like a DJ's turntables. And it comes in clicky or silent versions, for stealth typing. The footbar also functions as a ruler, in case you have to measure anything. With how sexy this keyboard is, you may just have to measure yourself, bro.
Evan Scott Schwartz is the Tech editor for Supercompressor. He thinks keyboards are pretty neat.