At the end of this ridiculous exercise in dream computing, we long-jumped past the Apple Watch to $20,551.93, having said yes to absolutely everything we were offered including a 4K monitor and comprehensive backup solution.
While almost no one will ever actually click "checkout" with all that in the cart, it's likely that that amount of processing speed, memory, and performance would actually survive many times longer than your MacBook before going obsolete. So it's probably a much better deal than a $17,000 gold iPhone for your wrist.
Take that Apple Watch.
Ethan Wolff-Mann is the Deputy Editor at Supercompressor. He has a black MacBook from 2008 that needs a cane. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram.