Like table manners, the way you use your smartphone in public speaks volumes about you as a person. Are you the type who'll surreptitiously stay on a call when nature calls? Hope not. Do you text through entire movies? Dick move, man. But beyond cell phone etiquette in general, there are some quirks iPhone users seem particularly guilty of that send us into a blind rage. So if you're an owner of one of the 700 million iPhones that Apple has sold to date, listen up.
Keeping your keyboard clicks on
People who insist on making their keyboard clicks audible are the same people who make websites that autoplay Muzak as soon as the page loads. These people are not to be trusted.
Using speakerphone in public, and holding the phone perpendicular to your face
The speakerphone feature is invaluable if you’re in the car or have to hop on an impromptu conference call, but using it as your default calling method is stupid and obnoxious. This goes doubly for the people who do this and insist on holding their iPhone perpendicular to their face while they talk, like it’s some $650 walkie-talkie.
Using the wake-up alarm as your ringtone
If you have your ringer set to the Alarm tone, I have a question: how dare you? Not only is it the most unpleasant way to receive a phone call, but those of us around you who wake up to that sound every morning just got a soul-sucking jolt of PTSD. And don't even get me started about Marimba.
Ending all your texts with a period
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: never end your one-word texts with a period. Grammar, vocabulary, punctuation -- all these are important things in life, but there are actual studies proving that using periods in texts causes recipients to perceive you as insincere.
Leaving the read receipts feature on to make some smug statement about your maturity level
Most of the time someone doesn't even realize they have read receipts enabled. But ever notice that the people who do it intentionally are some of the smuggest assholes you know? Like, they think they're more evolved than the rest of us because they wouldn't stoop to the level of ignoring or, uh, delaying their response.
Teasing someone with a typing bubble, then never sending the text
There’s something vaguely thrilling about watching those three animated dots that indicate (allegedly) someone is typing. Which is why it’s such an infuriating cliffhanger when they type, and they type, and they type... and then it suddenly disappears. What are you hiding? Were you agonizing over a perfectly crafted response but just gave up? Why are you ignoring me, Mom?!?
Playing games with the volume turned up
I love a good iPhone game as much as the next guy, but for the love God please turn the damn sound effects off. There is no sound that induces immediate rage like the bloop bleep ping plong coming from your Bejeweled Blitz during my morning commute. Same goes for the psychopaths who consider it socially acceptable to use their phone as a miniature boombox, blasting tunes in public sans headphones.
Keeping the sound on during lengthy text exchanges and group chats
Whether you're having an unfortunate sorry-I-threw-your-tacos-on-the-sidewalk discussion with your significant other, or walking your dad through the step-by-step of updating his iCloud storage, or if you're an active participant in a group chat with all your bffs from college, do us all a solid and put your phone on vibrate.
Snapchatting constantly like a damn hyena
We get it, you’re a savvy social media artiste, but maybe quit using it to excitedly broadcast the minutiae of your day. There’s no way you’re actually that pumped to be doing laundry, c’mon.
Getting over emoji-nal
Don’t get us wrong, emojis are wonderful, and the world is a better place because they exist. However, they don’t need to punctuate every last message you send. It's like cooking with spices, if you will -- a little can go a long way, and there’s no reason to use them all together just because they're there.
Swiping through someone else's photos without permission
No, just no. If I pass my phone off to you to check out the creep shot I got of that weird dude on the subway, it's not an open invitation to scroll through my entire photo library, which totally doesn’t contain anything illicit at all, OK, but like, don’t. Cool?
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Joe McGauley is a senior writer for Thrillist. He wouldn't hesitate to disown his firstborn if they turned out to be the loud game player type.