I am very famous and important, which means taking the subway is a burden. I get tired easily and do not like it when stairs go up. So, I prefer to be picked up and shuttled around the City That Never Sleeps™ in an air-conditioned car. And because I'm so fun to be around, I always want to share the ride. That is why I always take an uberPOOL.
UberPOOL pairs you with other riders heading in the same direction as you. In addition to helping you save money, it provides endless entertainment as you're granted the opportunity to share the backseat of a car with strangers from every walk of life. The Uber gods have blessed me with a plethora of amusing POOLers and I have overheard a great many things during my rides. Here is a sampling:
Girl holding Solo cup of red wine: I hate that bar. It looks like a hotel.
Girl putting on liquid eyeliner: People come from Jersey to go there.
Girl holding Solo cup of red wine: Gross.
Guy with cool hat: Henry has some low-key misogyny issues he has to deal with.
Girl with brown hair: Is he, like, aware of it?
Guy with cool hat: Yeah, but like, he was defensive of Cosby.
Girl wearing Lululemons: Everyone in Michigan is like from Michigan.
Guy who looked like he just got punched in the face (in a hot way): Yeah.
Girl wearing Lululemons: I'm cold.
Man in bold outfit: I've had it with my florist.
Girl with little rat-dog in purse: You've been through so much.
Man in bold outfit: Enough is enough.
Woman crying on the phone: That is NOT how you write an "R" in cursive.
Girl popping her gum for entire ride: That's what she and Sarah have in common -- they both like to do things.
Friend of girl popping her gum for entire ride: I love it.
Dude A: Dude, check it. My mom is in my phone as "Drake."
Dude B: Dude… how do you do that?
Hipster chick with gray hair or actual old woman (unclear): That's the thing about art, it's just like… there.
Hot, vacant man: Do you party?
Hot, vacant woman: You're so funny.
Hot, vacant man: *Small dick gets hard*
Hot, vacant woman: *Falls in everlasting love*
Handsome man: What do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a comedian.
Handsome man: Like Amy Schumer?
Me: *Puts headphones in*
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