The World's Dumbest New Invention Is a $99 Smart Candle
In the ongoing quest to create "smart" versions of everyday items that absolutely no one needs, some intrepid flickering-flame lovers went ahead and made the world's first -- and hopefully last -- smart candle. It's called LuDela, and it's arrived just in time for the accelerated decline of civilization.
Unlike the traditional, low-tech candles that Luddites and Amish people use, this one requires you to connect your phone to the battery-operated candle(s) over Wi-Fi. Next, you can ignite and extinguish its flame -- which is still real fire, by the way -- from across the room via an app. It's a convenience that will presumably be quite beneficial to a very select segment of the population: lazy people, magicians, and those short of breath.
The $99 candle itself doesn't actually burn, but instead serves as a shell for smaller wax refills that burn for 30 hours (which, by the way, you'll need to keep replacing for a price not yet divulged by the company).
Despite being ridiculous, LuDela does boast a couple redeeming safety features that make it an attractive home accessory for those with terribly behaved children and/or cats. For instance, it's equipped with proximity detectors that will automatically extinguish the flame if someone gets too close to it. It will also snuff itself out if it's knocked around (or over) while lit. And it should be noted that you don't have to worry about hot wax dripping onto anything or anyone, since the refills are self-contained.
But still. Man's ability to make fire was a pretty significant step forward in the progress of our species. It doesn't really bode well that we're handing the privilege over to the machines, does it? I'm siding with Sarah Connor on this one.
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