Please Don't Kill Yourself Playing 'Pokémon Go'
Pokémon Go has hypnotized the country. Like frenzied zombies, obsessed creature-catchers are hitting the streets in droves trying to catch ‘em all. Players, with faces buried in their phones, are walking into oncoming traffic, hopping onto precarious rooftops, and hovering near dangerous bodies of water. Some people are even playing Pokémon Go from behind the wheel, which is not only moronic and wildly dangerous, it's straight-up cheating. (If you’re that desperate, here’s an idea: get a designated driver for your Pokémon hunt. Ads are popping up all over Craigslist with savvy opportunists offering rides to major Poké Stops and Gym Trainers.)
Naturally, people are detailing all of their death-defying exploits on social media. After all, if a Snorlax drops on your windshield and you catch it while T-boning another car without Tweeting about it afterwards, did it ever actually happen??
Looks like this may be a banner year for the Darwin Awards.
Driving while playing Pokemon Go is awesome because you cover so much ground, but I almost died twice on my way to work 🤔— Matt Cramer (@RespectThaFlow) July 7, 2016
I legit almost got hit by a car playing Pokemon go today lololololol— Zambuki (@gaycommunism) July 7, 2016
My man almost just died jumping out of the car and ran through traffic just to catch a Pokemon.....Be safe kids.— Big Lenox (@charlenox10) July 9, 2016
the amount of pedestrians I've almost hit because they were Pokemon hunting is ridiculous 😂😂— Eden (@EdenJuarez_33) July 10, 2016
I'm not going to lie to anyone I drove around for an hour catching Pokemon and I almost hit two dear and a woman😬— Cute nature mom (@TaylorBear1013) July 11, 2016
my roommate rode her bike to the beach and fuckin almost died for a goddamn water Pokemon— queen b (@brioncebritwice) July 7, 2016
Played Pokemon GO for 10 mins and almost got hit twice by cars. This is getting dangerous.— Ｓａｋｉ(｡ŏ﹏ŏ) (@saksters) July 7, 2016
Did I catch 10 Pokemon? Yes. Did I have to listen to the theme music for 2 hrs? Yes. Did I almost get hit by cars in the process? Also yes.— Sachu!! bless you. (@SachiRodriguez) July 7, 2016
I watched some guy riding his bike playing Pokemon and lost count of how many people he almost hit because he was staring at his phone.— avery (@Its_avers) July 10, 2016
to the clueless couple playing Pokemon Go who I almost hit with my bike: sorry, I hope you caught it— thot leader (@EvaGiselle) July 10, 2016
Almost died running across streets without looking twice tonight. Somewhat related: Pokemon Go is awesome— cannibisaurus rexvx (@kethxedge) July 7, 2016
If you haven't already almost died using Pokemon go you ain't real— Nolan Long (@long_schlongy) July 7, 2016
Despite several crazy hoaxes, there has yet to be any official report of a Pokémon-related auto accident. That doesn’t mean police aren’t doing what they can to thwart the threat -- several police departments around the country (and even the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration) have already issued warnings to drivers that they best not be Pokémon Go-ing behind the wheel.
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