Convincing your parents to buy you a Power Wheels as a kid was akin to asking them for a piñata full of weed on your 10th birthday. A few refrains: "You're going to die in the driveway!" "What do you think we are? Made of money?" and, "Absolutely not, go play with some Lincoln Logs!"
In other words: Never. Gonna. Happen.
Turns out, though, that Mom and Dad were just full of pathetic excuses not to go to Walmart, because last week the Supercompressor team was lucky enough to test drive the 2015 F-150. And, we're happy to report, it was extremely safe and awesome for everyone (ages 3 and up!), especially our 5'1" editorial assistant.
Come re-live the glorious afternoon with us.
After unboxing our new toy before the envious eyes of the entire office, we tasked our intrepid intern, Gavin Woolard—who assured us of his mechanical prowess—with assembling it. About an hour later, we were in business.
Our editorial assistant, Ali Drucker, was brave enough to volunteer to do the test driving, as she is without question the smallest person on the Supercompressor team. (We also thought her pink shirt would look great against the blue. And it did!)
As a self-proclaimed "terrible driver" who usually cannot reach the pedals on an actual car without some clever maneuvering, we expected things to get interesting.
Our test track was Crosby Street, the cobblestone roadway and sidewalk behind the Supercompressor office in Soho. The street encounters minimal traffic but more than its fair share of foreign fashionistas visibly confused by literally everything. Perfect!
Unlike the real-deal F-150, which weighs in at a hefty three+ tons, our little guy was easy to roll into a freight elevator and out the back door. What it lacks in size is made-up for in details, from "chrome" wheels and a roomy truck bed, to the working lift-and-lower tailgate and FM radio (with built-in MP3 jack).
Ali hopped—well, rather, wiggled—into the bench seat, turned the key, and hit the gas, notably with her left foot, out of necessity due to snugness of the front seat, which her petite frame fully filled. Though in her words it wasn't so bad, "The cozy feeling was comforting, like a warm hug."
Following a quick jerk forward, she was off, whirring by the perplexed pedestrians and even catching the eye of a paparazzo, who instinctually started snapping photos. For all we know he may have even sold them to TMZ.
Ali felt safe, but less so for those around her. They were in danger of some serious stubbed toes. Luckily, our deputy editor, Ryan Hatch, who was pushing her, was wearing Red Wing boots to protect against the hazards.
The fear on the faces of passersby was palpable when Ryan took it for a spin. Note the side-eye from the guy on the left above. Ryan's review?
"Driving in New York City is dangerous and should probably be outlawed. I am now part of the problem. But oh my God, that was really fun and I never wanted to get out. Joe I cannot believe you made me get out. I only drove it for like three hours, jeez."
As for the prohibitive pricing excuse, turns out they're actually much more affordable than what we'd been led to believe by our parents. Our F-150 retails for $350, and there are plenty of other models that go for significantly less. MOM, YOU LIED.
Joe McGauley is a senior editor at Supercompressor, and clearly not-at-all still upset about being denied a Batmobile Power Wheels as a kid.