Headed to Atlantic City for a few nights? Congratulations on choosing the most exciting travel destination in the world! Of course, with so much to offer, there's no way you can expect to squeeze in everything if you spend time doing something as trivial as sleeping. That's why we created The Threekend: the only city guide for the discerning traveler who's low on time and high on amphetamines. We have every minute totally planned for you, so sit back and relax... or don't, because clearly that isn't your style.
10:38a: As soon as you can legally use a cellphone again, make a reservation at Chef Vola's. Don't worry, they'll call you back.
1:17p: Now put some color in your newly-shorn cheeks (the ones on your face, dude, come on!) after shuttling to the hotel's private guests-only beach in Brigantine
5:50p: Turn your shirt into the "shirt before the shirt" with an ocean-view shopping spree across three floors of velvet rope-parting Burberry, Gucci, and Louis Vuitton
6:45p: Before you tuck into Preview Bar's prime and short rib smothered 40oz Kobe cheeseburger, tuck in some napkins or your new buy'll be forever known as the "shirt after the burger.
9:00p: Don't be fooled by the light magic too long. There's still a concert hall, boxing ring, and basketball court through those doors, and you've got front row seats
Saturday, 1:51a: Attempt to leave. Get 30ft across the casino floor before spotting AC's only go-go-topped blackjack tables. Occasionally look down at your cards
2:40a: Demonstrate everything you now know about gambling without distraction at the poker room in the Trump Taj Mahal. Realize it's the same poker room that was in Rounders and get out while you can
health shake at the Borgata food court's 24/7 Fatburger
6:10a: Watch the sunrise over the windmills from the Water Club's penthouse Immersion Spa. Shame the windmills by yelling out how much faster you can spin
7:05a: Prove it, rent a bike, and race down four miles of still-too-early-for-a-pedicab-of-shame boardwalk
12:44p: ...if you want to roll like the Governor surveying the shore from a Steel Pier helicopter tour
1:49p: Ride it again!
1:53p: One more time
2:31p: Refill your now-empty stomach at Arctic Ave landmark White House Sub Shop with the house special salami-prov-cap-and-ham-piled footlong. The line's longer than the Rockettes, so if you want three, buy 'em all at once
3:01p: Breathe in the salty
rim of your cup air at Margaritaville's Landshark Bar. Completely misinterpret Jimmy Buffett's lyrics, realize how much you need a brand new tattoo to show
6:29p: Chef Vola's called you back, Google Maps found their James Beard-winning unmarked basement dining room, and you're sitting down to a Flinstone-sized bone-in veal parm
9:07p: While your eyes are still glazed over from dinner and your tells aren't showing, hold your own in Harrah's World Series of Poker room
Sunday, 1:10a: Cab it across the marina and dry off on the Veranda outside the Golden Nugget's Haven nightclub, home to the only open-air gaming in town
on Red 25, come on Red 25! awaits. Congratulations, you played AC before AC played you.
1. Fatburger1 Borgata Way, Atlantic City
2. Chef Vola's111 S Albion Pl, Atlantic City
3. Teplitsky's111 S Chelsea Ave, Atlantic City
4. The Water Club at Borgata1 Renaissance Way, Atlantic City
5. The Barbershop1 Borgata Way, Atlantic City
6. Mussel Bar500 Boardwalk, Atlantic City
7. The Pier Shops at Caesars1 Atlantic Ocean, Atlantic City
8. Preview Bar1900 Pacific Ave, Atlantic City
9. Ivan Kane's Royal Jelly500 Boardwalk, Atlantic City
Soak up the booze in classic style with a burger and fat fries at this 24/7 joint.
This 85-year-old, family-owned Italian restaurant is super exclusive (complete with a secret side door), so you won't get in without a reservation made at least a month in advance. When you go, be sure to BYOB and prepare for an intimate dinner without any set menus.
Teplitsky's is the Chelsea Hotel's retro-diner, and though it looks a bit more like the Jetsons than the 1950s, with these happy hour prices, no one's complaining.
This boutique hotel's five pools and spa are kid-free, score! In addition to the forgotten toothbrush or razor, you can get a "passion kit" delivered to your door, which does include condoms and other "intimate products," but does not include a woman. That you have to find on your own.
A men-only refuge, The Barbershop's the spot to refuel with the only straight razor shave in AC, plus billiards and widescreen sports 24/7.
From chef Robert Wiedmaier comes Mussel Bar in Revel, where you can feast on bivalves bathed in white wine, spicy Thai green curry, or melted Gruyere cheese. Mussel's got brunch, lunch, and dinner menus available, as well as a Belgian-centric brew list and cocktails.
Tired of gambling your money away? Take a break and head over to the Pier Shops at Caesars, where you'll find an array of designer boutiques and renowned restaurants. Between eating and shopping, make sure to experience The Water Show, an interactive water, light and sound spectacular. It happens every hour, so there's no excuse not to see it.
Preview Bar at Bally's Hotel and Casino's serving up creative burgers like ribeye and New England lobster, on the sixth floor overlooking the Atlantic.
Written up in publications across the US, including the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, Maxim Magazine, and Rolling Stone, Ivan Kane's Royal Jelly Burlesque Nightclub in Atlantic City offers a phenomenal burlesque show that you won't want to miss.