Bar None life lessons aside, downloading episodes of Hey Dude doesn't substitute for a real cowboy experience -- so instead, head to High Lonesome Ranch: a newly opened Western extravaganza seated on 300sqmi of wildly varied, pristine Colorado terrain that reaches up to 9000ft.
The conquering-this-great-nation action includes riding lessons (from city-slicker intros to barrel racing and obstacle courses); "practical" (for this particular weekend at least) skills like roping, cattle riding, and branding; trail exploration and wildlife tracking; and newfangled fun like equestrian geocaching, apparently entirely different than clearing your history after Googling "donkey show".
To avoid frostbite, snag accommodations including a two-bedroom log cabin, a converted 1800s creek-side homestead, an upscale safari-tent compound, a converted turn-of-the-century cowboy outpost, and the Pond House, with private trout fishing, which sure beats the crap out of Austin's drought fishing.
The lodge is also Orvis-endorsed for both fly fishing and wing shooting, although unfortunately for Buddy, no amount of wingman practice was enough for Danny Lightfoot to help him bag a young Christine Taylor.
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