Travel

Head to Oz. Not the prison.

Now that you can finally fly direct from Dallas to Brisbane, head to Kuri Bay, a tiny, picturesque resort on the northern Australian coast being opened April 1st by getaway specialists Wild Bush Luxury, which, before they ran into the penal buzz-saw that is Chuy's, perfectly described Jenna and Barbara. From Brisbane you'll take a quick seaplane to "the remotest region of the remotest, emptiest continent (apart from Antarctica!)", where you'll stay in one of just five "Verandah" rooms, chow down on all-included meals, booze at the open bar, and do stuff like:

Tours and Activities: Sunset cruises. Excursions to Sampson Inlet, Entrance Island, Montgomery Reef (Oz's largest inshore variety, where the tide "recedes so fast it creates cascading waterfalls"), and "possibly the biggest humpback whale-calving grounds in the world" (over 1000 goddamn whales). You can also catch a plane for a "coastal air safari", or have an Aboriginal guide show you some of the world's oldest cave art, which, despite being created before the invention of humor, is still funnier than B.C.

Fish & Wildlife: Hop aboard a high-tech "Hunter Prowler" purchased from Aussie adventure-reality show ET, then venture out to spot or possibly catch (depending on whether the species is endangered/too cute) loggerhead, flatback, olive ridley & leatherback turtles, dugong, crocodiles, rays, sea snakes, bottlenose, Indo-Pacific & snubfin dolphins, barramundi, mangrove Jack, threadfin salmon, giant trevally, tuna, queenfish, and sharks, which hopefully won't get too Chuy.