The best bags ever to rhyme with Tatanka

Because this "Jan" is eventually going to demand her bag back (and it sounds like she's athletic enough to take it!), why not sport one from Al Onkka instead, and enjoy real Minneapolitan hand-stitching in a mega-customizable array of styles (15 fabric colors, 1000 denier-coated cordura exteriors, 200 nylon linings) and also vinyl from reclaimed billboards, which's also what happened to Milli Vanilli's awards -- you can't blame everything on the rain! Sling thine shoulders with

Messengers Available in small, medium, or large, these puppies rock bike-light loops, and come standard with four pockets, but can be sewn with additional ones for $5 a pop, aka a great deal on a 12oz Coke at Target Field


Backpacks Snag a flap number with a padded back, contoured straps, and interior laptop sleeve, or go big (up to 24in tall/ 21in wide) with the canoe-inspired Duluth Pack, who aren't quite as cool as the Rat Pack, but only because they couldn't find a single black dude

Shoulder Bags Available in either vertical or horizontal orientation, these compact commuters rock rear and internal mag pockets, a pen slot, a side cellphone holder, and a front-zippered pocket for “your daily flotsam”, which ought to be better than having it knock around Jan's Port.