11. Say anything bad about Pelé
Insinuate Argentine footballers Maradona or Messi are the best to ever lace up cleats and you'll be shitting spikes for a week.
Pelé is known in Brazil as “The King”. Remember all of those things people attribute to Chuck Norris and the most interesting man in the world? They’re all true in Brazil, except they're about Pelé.
Sure, he sometimes sticks his famous feet in his mouth, like when he criticized World Cup protestors before he eventually supported them. Sure, his son was just sentenced to 33 years in jail for money laundering. But The King won three World Cups while scoring 12 goals in the globe’s grandest tournament, 77 with the national team overall, and over 1,000 in his career as a whole. He's like Wilt Chamberlain, Michael Jordan, and Michael Jackson all rolled into one. His passport probably doesn't even need a photograph.
12. Do anything but agree that Brazil sucks
If samba should one day cease to exist, bellyaching would become Brazil’s national soundtrack. On buses, bar stools and blogs, Brazilians complain about the ills holding back their country. The list is long and varied, from traffic and crime to graft and boorishness. If they were to take to the streets like they take to social media, a few anti-World Cup protests would be a snooze instead of news.
But Brazilians begrudge outsiders who join the kvetch fest. They will curse their country in one breath and chastise you for doing the same in the next. “If you don’t like it, get out”. You're better off just listening.