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The Great American Beer Festival: 3 days, 2.8k brews and YOU

Okay, first things first: go here, and immediately buy a ticket. Done? Great, now grab your calendar. Ugh, okay, buy a calendar, and draw a line between October 10th and October 13th, and write "Great American Beer Festival" in big letters, because that's what you just signed up for.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

Now that's all sorted out, you just need to get to the Colorado Convention Center in Denver for the opening, and join this swarthy band of hooligans.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

Clearly, when they first open the gates on Thursday at 5:30 p.m., it's quite exciting.

Great American Beer Festival

Once inside the Colorado Convention Center, what awaits is more goddamn beer than you have ever seen in one place in your entire life... 600 brewers... more than 2800 beers... Oh, good god!

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

It is a land so glorious that the Beer Man exists.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

Everyone is SO excited there!

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

You're damn right that's Dr. Zaius and Abe Lincoln exchanging pleasantries.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

Some people wear neat helmets when they go.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

While others wear even NEATER helmets when they go.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

It was nice of all these people to wear silly costumes in order to make their white-haired friend feel less like a total freak.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

People who've been drinking for three days straight bring a whole new meaning to the term photo-bombed.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

They have headphone dance parties in an effort not to disturb the beer drinkers.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

There are even girls there... Nerdy girls.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

Some of the girls even get WAAAAAY into karaoke.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

Throw away those ratty No Fear and Bear Whiz tees, because they've got literally thousands of beer tees to replace them.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

Naturally, there will be bagpipers.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

And just as naturally, there will be pretzel-wearing, track-suited lads saluting them.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

Even the Governor of Colorado (who also founded Wynkoop Brewery) will be there. His name's John Hickenlooper... Heheheheh.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

All the brewers think a last name like Hickenlooper is pretty hilarious.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

I bet you're wondering who these crazy Waldos are looking for.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado

Turns out they were looking for the founder of Sam Adams, Jim Koch, who has been running around threatening people with his claws again.

The Great American Beer Festival in Denver, Colorado
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Or maybe he was just trying to make a pass at this guy.